Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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