I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize