Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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