Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
