please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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