Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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