I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
