Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
