you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
