About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize