White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
