He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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