I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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