I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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