I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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