i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
