so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
