I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
