Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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