I want to make a zoo with you.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The ass gains better be worth it
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