She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
