I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
