how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
