Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My feet surprised me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
