i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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