I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
