Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
