Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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