My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
