Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
