This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
