I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
