i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How drunk are you?
Completed.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize