Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
