**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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