Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
