I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize