The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
