know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
