my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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