two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize