Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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