it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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