this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
