My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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