This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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