i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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