i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
