Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
