Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
