it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
