im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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