Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
