I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
