I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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