If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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