if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize