Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
