Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
