Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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