Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
