My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
