I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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