I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
