Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
