Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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