So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
