don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
