Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
