you guys were way drunker than both of me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
