if i can run in heels then i can drive
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
