awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
