I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
