Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i think im in europe. pls send help
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
