You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
