i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
