what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
