it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
