Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Congratulations! We have a period
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