apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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