I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I believe in your delicious
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
