so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If that was your dad, he is hot
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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