So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Randomize
