i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Too much gin, very little bucket
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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