I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
