My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Randomize
