it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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