she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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