i don't like sucking hair
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
