smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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