I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
