I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
